by 
How Hospitality Work Wires Your Anxious Brain for Perfection
Why the best bars and restaurants demand perfection — and how it changes you at home
I love the seemingly small moments in life that stick with you forever. The stories you tell over and over again because they perfectly illustrate something you’re passionate about.
In this case, it’s not just about a story — it’s about a way of doing things. A system that either clicks with you, or it doesn’t.
And let’s be real — it’s not easy to teach.
But for those who do get it, who buy into the system and maybe even try to pass it along to others, it’s hard to understand why some people just don’t see it.
The Moment That Made My Nerdy Day
One night, a guy was sitting at my bar with his girlfriend. After taking their drink order, I jumped up onto the back bar — (imagine me perched up there, grabbing a bottle from the top shelf) — and returned to my station. I placed the bottle down in front of them.
Label out.
I didn’t even think about it. It was muscle memory at that point, something I had done thousands of times before. It was part of what we did, part of what I was taught.
Label out!
But what made this moment stand out was the guy’s reaction. He turned to his girlfriend and quietly said —
“Did you see what he did? When he set the bottle down, he turned it so the label faced us.”
I overheard it. And I won’t lie — that little comment? It made my nerdy day.
I couldn’t resist asking him — “Are you a bartender?”
He said no. But he goes to bars often, and he notices the “little things” like that.
Those little things — like presenting a bottle with the label facing out — are more than just details. They’re part of a larger system of precision and hospitality that, when combined with other small but meaningful actions, create an atmosphere where guests feel cared for without even realizing it.
The Anxiety Beneath Perfection
But here’s the thing most people don’t see — those little things that create a seamless experience for guests often come from a place of anxiety.
Perfection isn’t just a goal in hospitality. In the best bars and restaurants, it’s an expectation. And for those who embrace this mindset, the drive for perfection becomes hardwired. It’s not just about doing things right — it’s about never doing them wrong.
This kind of high-stakes, detail-oriented work rewires your brain over time. You start to see every task, every interaction, through the lens of “how can this be done better?”
It’s no wonder that many of us who work in hospitality bring that same mentality home. We find ourselves obsessing over things that other people don’t even notice. Dishes placed just so in the cabinet. Towels folded a certain way. Shoes lined up perfectly by the door.
The System That Demands Precision
The great (and even the really good) bars and restaurants operate by a system. A system built on countless small actions that add up to an extraordinary experience.
At the NoMad Bar in Los Angeles — an offshoot of the legendary New York institution — I learned this system inside and out. It wasn’t just about making great drinks. It was about how you moved behind the bar, how you communicated with your team, and how you created a seamless, almost magical, experience for every guest.
The details weren’t optional. They were ingrained.
Label out. Always.
Use the jigger even if you know you can free-pour the exact amount.
Polish the glass even if it looks clean to the naked eye.
Make eye contact when you greet a guest. Smile genuinely. Remember names.
Every detail mattered because, together, they built trust and comfort for the guest. And when you’re immersed in this world long enough, those details stop being tasks. They become habits. They become a way of life.
Taking Hospitality Home
The challenge comes when this relentless pursuit of perfection follows you home.
At work, it’s a superpower — anticipating needs before they’re spoken, spotting tiny imperfections, and making everything feel effortlessly perfect. But at home? It can be exhausting — for you and the people around you.
Suddenly, the same brain that’s wired to notice when a bottle’s label is facing the wrong way starts noticing things that don’t need to be perfect. You see the towel folded “the wrong way” or the dishwasher loaded “incorrectly.”
What feels like second nature at work becomes a source of frustration at home. And that’s where balance becomes crucial.
Striking a Balance
Perfection has its place, but it can’t be everywhere, all the time. The key to living easier and better is knowing when to turn it off. When to let the little things slide and embrace the imperfections that come with life outside of work.
It’s okay if the dishes aren’t lined up like soldiers in the dishwasher. It’s okay if the couch pillows aren’t fluffed perfectly.
Learning to distinguish between the standards that matter at work and the grace we need to give ourselves at home is essential for finding peace.
Rewiring the Brain
Rewiring the anxious, perfection-driven brain doesn’t mean abandoning the things that make you great at your job. It means learning when and where that mindset serves you — and when it doesn’t.
Just like behind the bar, where you learn to shift gears when things get hectic, life outside of work requires that same flexibility. Some moments call for precision. Others call for presence.
And the beauty is, once you recognize that balance, you can appreciate the little things even more. Like a perfectly placed bottle. Label out.
Only this time, it’s not about getting it right. It’s about enjoying the moment.
